Nicole vs. Life
Betty ford says i'm here all night
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We smell like vodka and hangover
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
