If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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