the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
