Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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