The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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