If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
