I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
