I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
