So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
