I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
