We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
