the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
