Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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