So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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