I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
