Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
