I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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