Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
