you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Acid is not a monday night drug
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
