mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sober January is a disaster.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
