ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm really busy with my period
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