he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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