so explain again why im purple
no
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You pole danced in your parka.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
