Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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