what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
