I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
