I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My dick has a subreddit
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
