Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
