He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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