Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
