I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My penis needs a shock collar
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
