matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
