it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
