I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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