VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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