areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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