I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
