I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
