I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
