Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
