Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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