yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
