apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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