He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
