i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
