this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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