I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
