i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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