I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
