So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
